bleh

I'm making friends--I think. I don't know. I don't know anything. I just know that I want my friends back. And that there's this guy on the train that thinks he's my boyfriend -_-. the end.

This SUCKS

Last night, I cried myself to sleep. I feel so alone sometimes. All of my friends are away at college and I'm here stuck in a terrifying state of mind that tells me I'll be forgotten, abandoned. I sound dramatic. I know I do. I just wish someone could take a walk in my shoes and try not to fall down as much as I have.

No one talks to me in my Learning Community (A group of classes that revolve around one set topic: Justice) They blatantly ignore me when I actually get up the nerve to say something. In my IDS class we split into two groups and I tried to participate. I really did. But my voice was unheard. My thoughts were disregarded. I'm a nothing. Everyone gets along with everyone else. I try. I try so hard. But no one cares. And I'll probably never meet the people that actually do.

I feel like an outcast

I'm not the only girl at Salem State University that commutes. I'm one of many. I've met some commuters, and they're pretty cool. But sometimes....I feel like such an outcast. I could have been cool. People might have even liked me. I thought they did, for a little while. Then the words "I'm a mommy" came out of my mouth, and suddenly....

I know I'm not the only teen mom out there. I even have a friend who has a little girl, and we're super close. But sometimes...when I'm in class and no one even wants to sit next to me...and no one says hello.....I just want to cry. I miss all of my friends. I miss the people who know that I'm not a whore, and that being a mommy doesn't define who I am as a person. You know, there are two girls in some of my classes that call me a slut when they think I can't hear them?

One day, class was cancelled. I was sitting in one of the cafe's, and a boy from my IDS class came up to me. He asked if anyone was sitting in the chair across from me. I was excited that he wanted to sit with me, so I smiled and said, "Nope!". He said, "Cool!" and took the chair. And he left to sit with everyone else in my class. And it hurt. It hurt a lot.

I miss you guys. I can't wait until I can see you all.